Tuesday, April 23, 2013

the wolf in the swamp

I play a video game called halo 4. The premise is that in the future I get to be a superhuman with an awesome (and I mean that word literally) space suit, and am on a sacred mission to kill everyone on the enemy team (who are enemies because their space suits are a different color than mine) with super-advanced weaponry until you have killed the constantly respawning enemies enough times, at which point you win. I recently did not pull of the final part of this plan, and therefore defeated the purpose of the game. Do not worry though, dear reader, for there is a perfectly reasonable and mythological explanation for this anomaly.

The first thing that went wrong is that the area in which I was assigned to kill my enemies is called Abandon. The name is apt; it is a broken down military base which has been abandoned. The really damning thing about the place though is that it is in a swamp. In a way you get the feeling that somehow the swamp actually caused the abandonment. The second thing that went wrong was that a dude on the opposing team was named Lycaon1357. I don't actually remember the numbers, but they no doubt played some part in the mythological conspiracy to throw off my game. The point is that this gamer was a wolf. Maybe the wolf. He pwned me like a newb. Every time I popped out from around a corner he would be crouching there and kill me. He would jump off the roof firing down at me, he would run at me across an open plain, and every time I would die. I realized afterwards what had happened: by some strange twist of fate I was dragged into the world of myth by the gods. I was thrown into the world just after the flood, but I was as an old enfeebled Deucalion, left by the gods to the world with a wolf. That wolf killed me in the swamp.

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